I’ve been feeling a little blue this week. I’ve begun dreading training again, but I can’t describe why.

I guess I’m disappointed with how I’m doing at the minute. When I reflect, it’s difficult to identify any tangible progress.

I passed more basics on Saturday, but it’s meaningless since I still can’t scrim without passing my contact skills. The closer I get to passing, the more apprehensive I feel about scrimming.

Back in April, I was used to skating with the team since there weren’t really any other premins. Having spent three months training with the newbies, I’m scared about going back.

I feel my progress really decelerated when I got bumped down to rookie training. It wasn’t a bad thing at all, I learnt a lot about what works and doesn’t work while (trying) to coach the newbies. However I definitely haven’t been pushing myself to the limit the way I had to previously.

I’ve been kind of stuck between holding back with the pre-mins and being minced alive by the team skaters.

As I mentioned last week, it’s also that I’m struggling to practice the things I need to practice. I am not a good derby player at the moment. I critically need to get my head into the game and work on my psychological focus.

Have been watching a Gotham v. London game from last week. It’s truly brilliant, and has already taken me a few hours to get to the 6th jam. I have a long list of homework and observations to work through!

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